Still A Girl
by halokalea
Summary: Short story based on a Keri Hilson - Still a Girl. I so suck at summaries, basically i was listening to the song and I immediately thought of the Morgan/Garcia likings :) AN; I don't own a thing :)


**Having a MENTAL BLOCK! I was listening to this song. Automatically thought of Garcia and Morgan. ****Only parts of the lyrics are based on the mini story. The parts i thought were appropriate.** I hope you guys like it :) Enjoy!

**Also, let me know if i should do a Sequel :)**

* * *

**_Accidentally left my toothbrush in your holder,_**  
**_Wish you hadn't brought it back here with you._**  
**_Sometimes I tell you "no" when you wanna come over_**  
**_and I try to play it tough like a dude. _**

**_And I'm not suppose to care, and you're not suppose to care.  
But unfortunately I'm already there.._**

It has been 22 days, 12 hours, 24 minuets and 37 seconds since the last time Penelope talked to Derek. Her feelings got caught up, she was way out of her depth. Yeah, she talked to him, only over the phone during work, for work related things. Other then that she kept her distance. She vowed the day she left Kevin, that she would never ever love again. That was until that fortunate night Penelope let her guard down and welcomed her best friend in with open arms. How could she do that? she thought she can keep him at a distance and their friendship would be as normal as it once was, oh boy was she wrong. When Penelope finally thought she needed to cut ties with Derek, it killed her to do it but it had to be done. She remember the day so clear like it was just a few moments ago.

_Penelope was sitting in her office when she got a call "This is the Goddess of all knowing, speak your name and state your needs". "You know your crazy right?" came the low sensual voice of Derek Morgan. "I know, what do you need Derek?" she said trying to hide the hurt that she was about to make. "Well, we just wrapped the case up. we're boarding the jet to head home and we should be landing in 3hrs, soo.." Derek was cut off "not tonight Derek, im too tired all i want to do is go home and sleep." "baby, how do you not know that i want to do the same? i just want you.." Derek was cut off again "NO! I.. I can't do this anymore, I'm getting way to deep here and I know we promised to keep this as a friends with benefits thing. I can't keep lying to myself, not any more Derek." Penelope took a breath, and continued before Derek had a chance to interrupt her "And with that being said, the only time we have contact if its work related. Goodbye Derek." Penelope hung the phone up and then the river of tears flowed like a strong stream. Penelope's sobs echoed through out her small office._

Penelope chuckled through her tears as she remembered what happened the next day, being a Saturday she planned on eating ice cream and drowning her sorrows with romantic movies. She couldn't believe that Derek was persistent, she thought he got the message loud and clear. He called all that night and all the morning the day after.

_Penelope was sitting on her lounge, eating her favourite ice cream and was currently watching "The Bodygaurd". It was the third movie of her romantic collection for the day, with tissues surrounding her, her phone goes off signalling it was a text, she flipped it opened and began to read it "please, open the door?" it was from Derek. Then a loud knock came across her door of the apartment. Penelope jumped at the sound, at that moment she stood, unable to move. "please, open the door? We need to talk" Derek's voice muffled through the door. Penelope still never made a sound, nor moved from where she was standing. "Please? I need to see you! I need to know your OK." Derek was now pleading. He hadn't spoken to Penelope since the phone call from the previous night. "At least open the door so I can give you, your toothbrush?" Derek pleaded again. Penelope then moved towards the door, she stood think 'what the hell? out of all things i left at his house, he brings my toothbrush!'. Penelope hesitated but, eventually turned the nob of the door and opened it just enough to squeeze her body in between the frame and the swinging piece of wood. She still hadn't made eye contact with Derek. With a deep breath 'be brave, grab the toothbrush and retreat' Penelope thought. She looked up, locked eyes with Derek, she then fell upon the toothbrush. Penelope snatched it from Derek's hand "thank you, i've got things to do, talk later" she said quckly, 'not quick enough' she thought and slammed the door in his face. Penelope leaned against it with fresh new tears, 'this is gonna be harder then i thought. Its all about 'I'm not suppose to care and you're not suppose to care'.'_

Now, sitting in her small office the team were out on a case. Penelope was still hurting, she couldn't help but think back at those times. Shaking her head and whipping her tears trying to rid her thoughts, she grabbed her coffee mug and headed out to make a fresh cup.

* * *

**See, we're more than friends but less than together.**  
**I know we both agreed that's how it should be,**  
**but I didn't think we'd be like this forever.**  
**And I don't wanna make you more than you make me,** **no I can't..**

By the evening the team had caught the 'Unsub' and was currently in the air, on their way home. JJ and Emily had told Penelope that the team are heading out for drinks and wanted her to come and join them. To be honest, Penelope really didn't want to go out! It meant that she had to watch Derek flirt, dance and whatever he did with his one night stands. That would just crush her even more, she was doing real good so far not showing how she felt around the others and didn't want to destroy her strength and pride. Basically what Penelope had achieved with the whole 'situation', wether it was a situation to begin with was the answer.

Penelope started to pack her things and shutting her babies down, she was hoping she would be out of the office before the team started rolling in from the elevator. She heard people in the bullpen "snap, I'm not gonna get out of this now, am I?" she said to herself as she quickly started to pack her bag hoping Emily and JJ didn't come looking for her. Penelope was doomed as someone knocked, she stood slumped and threw her head back and groaned. "come in, if you dare. 'cause this goddess of all knowing is extremely cranky and tired" she said as she continued to shove things into her bag. "So, have you thought about coming out with us Pen?" JJ said as she moved further into the room hoping her friend will go out with them. "Come on babe, you haven't been out with us in so long. I kinda forgot what its like to have a drink and whine down with your presence!" Emily said hoping Penelope would shift her mood, she knew that things weren't exactly going great with her and Derek. JJ and Emily knew this for a while and they both hope that they could get them to talk at least, but after multiple attempts, making Derek call Penelope for information on cases, getting Penelope to sit next to him on the jet whenever she was needed in the field. Nothing work, this was their last attempt to do something about their stubborn friends. "Guys, as much as i love you both! i don't think i can. Im exhausted and all i want to do is have a nice hot bubble bath, a glass of wine and sleep in my big comfy bed!" Penelope said as smiled, hoping that they bought what she said. "Come on Pen, it'll be just us girls sitting together. The boys will be all the way on the other side of the bar." JJ said as she grabbed Penelope's hand. "Yeah, come on! We haven't had a girly night out in ages! We need this girl time now, more then ever!" Emily tried once more to convince the tech. Penelope folded, she had to agree she hadn't been out with the girls in ages and she thought she could use a bit of socialising. After every case Penelope would head on home and never see her team until it was time to return to work. "Ok, i will go. On one condition though." she said as she turned after grabbing her back turning towards the two women "and that would be?" Emily said as she lead the way out of the office "you keep Derek away and i will stay as long as you both want me to" she said with a smug smile.

As JJ promised, the boys were on the other side of the bar and the three of them were laughing and enjoying their selfs. Penelope caught Derek looking at her a few times and was proud that she didn't coil in herself and got up and leave. This was exactly what she needed, girl time and she was glad that JJ and Emily had convinced her to go out. The trio were on their fifth or sixth round, the girls were quite tipsy. "So, Emily! Any interesting hot guy thats in your life at the moment? Like 'you rock my world' kinda guy?" Penelope said as she took a swig at her drink. "No, its just me and Serg! The only man i want in my life is the one sitting across the bar. I can;t even touch him with a 10ft poll if I wanted to" Emily said as she pouted, ever since she told Hotch that she loved him, they grew apart and nothing ever had been the same since. "Aww, give him time Em. I can guarantee that he feels the same way. Look at him, he isn't the kind of guy to show emotion." JJ said gently as she gave her a reassuring smile. "Yeah, I suppose." Emily said softly, now focusing back to Penelope "what about you Pen? Is there anyone in your sights?". Hoping this would make her bring out the subject of her and Derek "no" Penelope shook her head and continued "no, not really. I'm not exactly ready for my heart to be shattered again. I mean, i only just piece myself back and I'm quiet content. Not gonna look for it, gonna wait for it to come to me". Both JJ and Emily shared a look and decided they were no longer going to beat around the bush. "Ok, spit it out. What happened between you and Derek?" JJ said with a forceful tone "What to you mean what happened?" Penelope said trying to avoid the question "you know what i mean!" JJ said again, being more admittedly. JJ was gonna get it out of her one way another. "Well, we had an agreement. Everything was fine and then I kinda broke the agreement, so i just stopped talking to him altogether." Penelope said as she shrugged her shoulders and took another sip at her drink. "is that all that happened?" JJ said as uncertainty wafted threw her voice. "yep, thats exactly what happened" she replied. JJ and Emily shared their famous looks before dropping the subject.

It was closing in on around 12am, and Penelope found that she was now sitting on her own, in her drunken state she didn't mind. She was in her own lil world and was just happy watching the scenery that was floating around and passing her by. JJ had left ages ago, she had to go home to her husband and son. Emily had merged over to where Hotch was sitting at the bar, finally these two were making lead way. The agents were laughing and enjoying each others company, Penelope smiled at the sight. "What has you smiling? Haven't seen that for, how long has it been? Ahh, that's right 22 days." Came the sexy low voice that belonged to Derek Morgan. 'Great' she thought. Wait did he just say '22 days'? Was he counting the days we haven't talked? She shifted and looked towards Derek. Taking in his exhausted physic, he looked like he hadn't slept in days. Being brutally honest he looked like shit! "Those two, they're finally getting there, after what seemed like a lifetime!" Penelope said as she gestured towards Hotch and Emily, she thought she would play along with Derek, considering she hadn't spoken to him since that day she cut ties. Derek nodded "yeah, its about time huh?". Penelope simply nodded in agreement. Now, they both sat in awkward silence until Derek spoke up "you know.. I miss you, I mean I miss us". "Don't Derek, just don't" Penelope replied, not wanting to go down that road, she felt her defences start to tear away. Why was this beautiful man able to knock them down after working so hard to build them up? "Why not Penelope? What happened that made you hate me so much? " Derek said in a defeated tone. Penelope turned to face him "because, we agreed on that façade we had, thats how it should have been. I didn't want to make you more, then what you would of made me." she said now standing, she had to leave before she completely lost everything as the new tears started to form. Derek didn't say anything, to be quiet frank he didn't know what to say. Before she left, she turned and placed a hand on his cheek "I didn't think we would be like that forever..". Penelope move her hand and walked out of the bar, without looking back.

* * *

**All this time I tried to act like a man,**  
**playin' games with boys my heart don't understand.**  
**Guess a man wouldn't be sitting here** **crying by the phone,**  
**convince himself what he's feeling is wrong..**

It was now Monday morning and Penelope manage to slip into work without anyone noticing, thank God no one did. She wouldn't be able to handle the confrontation of Derek Morgan. She knew he had all weekend to brew all the questions he wanted to ask, it was leverage for his sake 'cause she finally gave him an answer why she cut ties. Penelope didn't want Derek to have that kind of upper hand, she needed to be 5 steps in front of him in order to keep her feelings bottled up, known he didn't feel the same. After drinks on Friday night, she ended up against the wall of her apartment with her knees to her chest and a bottle of Jack be her side. Taking sips through her sobs just to numb the pain she was feeling.

A knock came across her startling her out of her current thoughts, "come in" she said as she booted up her babies, the door swung open. "Garcia, I need you to do some checks on the 'Unsub' of the last case." Hotch stated, he looked up from the file he was looking at and noticed that Penelope looked exhausted and hungover. He thought this wasn't the norm with his highly talented technical analyst. "Garcia, are you ok? You look ill" Hotch said closing the file in his hand while closing the door behind him. If this was anything to do with what he suspected, he planned on solving it. "yes, boss man. I'm fine and dandy" Penelope replied with a smile, which didn't quite reach its means. "No your not, you look extremely exhausted and hung over. You know you can come to me with anything, I'm here if you need to talk" Hotch said with a sincere tone. "Well, only if you don't repeat what I'm about to tell you?" Penelope said, finally opening up about the whole situation with Derek, she needed to tell someone and she trusted Hotch more then anyone she knew at this time. If she told JJ and Emily, they would tell her to let go and just go for it and tell Derek exactly how she felt. Reid wouldn't completely understand and he would go and just tell Derek anyways. Rossi wouldn't be ideal either, 'cause he's always been a player just like Derek. So, Hotch it was, she knew she could trust her boss with anything, shoot even if her life was in the palm of his hands she would trust any decision he made. "Ok, I promise" Hotch said as he nodded for her to start, "Well, it all started about 4 months ago.." Penelope told Hotch everything, her break up with Kevin, how Derek stepped in and pieced her heart back together, her notorious nights with Derek after the fact. And now her feelings for Derek. "I'm just over everything. I'm sick of trying to act like a man! I had this idea that i could do all of this without my feelings getting in the way" Penelope finally concluded. Hotch stared at her, trying to process the whole situation. He wanted to walk out and kill Kevin for breaking her heart. And Derek, the things he was thinking of doing to him after making this agreement, Hotch thought better of the younger Agent.

Obviously, He couldn't tell Penelope that, he need to support and help her as a friend. Thats the least he should do after what happened to Haley, Penelope was always there for him when he needed someone to talk to."Ok, this is what I want you to do, go home. Rest. You need to sleep that hangover off and start fresh" Hotch said helping her up from her seat "whatever i need, can wait until tomorrow. And then, we can start on the other stuff, I need you to be your top self in order for me to do that". "Thank you, sir. I appreciate you listening to me rambling on about my personal life, I know it must be something that you don't want to hear" Penelope said grabbing her things "Penelope, have you ever considered that Derek might actually feel the same way?" Hotch gently ask, he didn't want to push her to much, after what she's been through in the last coming months. "Sir, would a man be sitting, crying by the phone waiting for a call? trying to convince himself what he is feeling is wrong?" Penelope asked standing waiting for an answer. Hotch just looked at her, he didn't think she was broken as he thought earlier. Penelope was lost in the world called 'love' and now, he needed to find a way to repair her broken soul. "I don't understand?" Hotch said, dumb founded for the first time he has ever known Penelope "exactly, sir. A man like Derek Morgan can never have feelings. He is a heart breaker." Penelope stepped into the elevator, leaving Hotch stunned for the second time in the span of 5 minuets. This situation is crushing his team member and friend, he needed to do something now, before its to late. Penelope finally got home, as soon as she walked through the door she dropped her bags and headed straight to her room. Put on some comfy clothes, sweatpants and a baggie t-shirt. Penelope landed on her bed face first, with content sigh she crawled her way up to the end of the bed hitting her head on the pillows. She was asleep in no time.

* * *

**I try to love him and leave him, isn't that what they want?  
Try to tell my heart we don't need him, but it only works for so long.  
But, I met you in my home and kick you out of my world, but at the end of the day.**

**Baby, I'm still a girl..**

Penelope was woken up by a constant banging on her door, it was now dark. She looked to her clock on her night side table it was now 11:39pm, she remembered getting home at 10:30am. She slept the whole day away! Again, there was knocking echoing louder through the apartment which shook her out of her thoughts. Penelope stumble off her bed, travelled through the lounge area "whoever this is better have a good reason to be knocking! I do have a baseball bat that I'm not afraid to use you know!" she said as she finally reached the door. Standing in front of her, she noticed a sober Aaron Hotchner holding up a very intoxicated Derek Morgan. "Sir, wh-what are you doing here with Agent Morgan?" Penelope said while moving away to let the pair inside. "Baby girl, you are looking as fine as hell!" Derek slurred the words, she couldn't believe what was happening. She had a very intoxicated man who knew where he was, at least. And a very much sober man who knew exactly what he was doing and why he was doing it. "I'll go and put some coffee on, sober him up a bit" Penelope said as she turn to leave until Derek wolf whistled. She finally lost it, "Derek Morgan, who the hell do you think you are? Coming here drunk, smelling like a brewery?" She hissed with anger, noticing Hotch with one of his rare smiles. Ignoring Hotch, she returned her gaze waiting for Derek to say something but, not a sound left his body. "I repeat, Derek, what are you doing here? You haven't been here since you dropped my toothbrush off! Care to explain yourself?" Penelope was now starting to turn read with anger, not just at the fact that Derek was in here living room highly intoxicated but, Hotch rocked up here carrying him. Still, Derek never made a sound. Frustrated, she thought she the quicker she can put the coffee on, the quicker she can sober Derek up and the quicker these men can leave so she can go back to sleep, she hasn't been this exhausted for ages.

"Penelope.. I love you with all my heart. I have never felt this way about a women before, not until you came into my world and turned it upside down" a soft tone coming from Derek. This made Penelope stop in her tracks, she couldn't help the tear that trickled down her face, "Please hear me out, I want to explain.." before he could continue she cut him off and stood in front of him "explain? EXPLAIN?! You made it quite clear the first night it happened!" Penelope scoffed at him again "I try to love you and then i try to leave you.. But, wasn't that what you wanted? Oh, wait you was the one who came up with the rules Derek!". Penelope was starting to pace her living room, completely forgetting the coffee. Without another word Hotch stood and said "I'll go and start the coffee" knowing the pair need privacy "ohh, you just do that Aaron Hotchner 'cause I'm not done with you, I'll deal with you afterwords!" She said point her finger at him. Hotch didn't need to be told twice, he left the room with his tail between his legs but, he knew he had to get Derek to admit what he felt all along. Like they say 'a drunken mind, speaks a sober heart', he remember last friday night with Emily, he finally told her he loved her too and now, things couldn't be any better. He just hoped it works for Derek like it word for him. Hotch can only hope Derek can mend his friends soul. Shaking his head he started to make the coffee.

Derek was now starting to sober up, his nerves were sky rocketing threw the roof and his adrenaline was pumping through-out his whole body. "I thought it was what you wanted, I thought you didn't want what I wanted. How could you love a broken man like myself?". "How could I love a broken man? Try telling my heart that I don't need you! Trust me I tried and it only worked for so long!" Penelope said as stopped pacing to take in the sight of the man who was actually, the love of her life. As she looked upon Derek, she can see the anguish and a broken soul of a man, but, she knew deep down she couldn't take that risk with him. Derek pieced the shatter parts together, for what? To break her heart all over again? Derek knew he had to say something to convince her that he was genuine, that he means every single word that has just came out of his mouth. Prove to Penelope that she is worth of his love. "Baby girl.." Derek tried to say before she cut him off, "no, no you lost that right ages ago! But, every time we did this I met you in my own home and I tried, oh how I tried to keep you out, tried to kick you out of my world.." She trailed off noticing he was silently sobbing, she need to get out of the room. Penelope rushed towards the bathroom and slammed the door, completely forgetting she nearly knocked Hotch of his feet in the process.

Leaving Derek where he was sitting and Hotch in the hallway. Penelope needed to collect her feelings and put them in order, before she could think of what to do next. She heard a knock on the door. "I'll be right out" she said quickly turning a tap on her basin to wash her face "I'm just checking to see if your ok?" Hotch said through the door sounding muffled. She left the bathroom only to be toe to toe with Hotch "as soon as I'm done with Derek, I'll be dealing with you!". Penelope walked into her living, noticed Derek was laying down on her couch. "I guess I better be going, there is no way I'm going to be able to move him now." Hotch said walking towards the front door. "I don't want to see you two until Friday, you both have things to work through and i expect everything is going to be fine. Because all of this, thats happening between the both of you is effecting your work performances". Hotch nodded and walked out closing the door behind him. "ohh baby" Penelope said as she reach for her throw rug on the lounge, now realising Derek was still half awake, she heard him murmur something. She kneeled down to see if she can hear him again. "I didn't mean to make you feel the way you do, I was just hoping it would become more then what it was" Derek said in a soft tone, her security walls finally falling. Penelope placed her hand on his cheek, he responded by her touch and leaned into her palm. All she could muster up as a response "but, at the end of the day.." She took in a shakey breath before continuing "Baby, I'm still a girl.."

She then rose from her knees and headed to her bedroom, landing face first on her bed she wished this evening never happened. Penelope was more confused then she has ever been in her life. She now knew that _the_ Derek Morgan was indeed in-love with her. Which made things inside conflicted and contradict everything that she told her self.


End file.
